I am tired. Emotional. I talked with a couple of friends over the week. I cried. And my cat is not doing well at all. I expect the worst.
So i’m closing this week. I do hope that all my feelings and emotions are getting me somewhere. I also hope my thinking and rationality are getting me somewhere.
I will be back next week. I’m sure i will get out of this, i just need a bit of time. Salute!
I’m still a bit off after yesterday’s conversation. I leave it for today. Back tomorrow!
The past week has been the warmest week in the Netherlands since humans started recording the temperature. I have kept quiet. It was so hot. And yes, i’ve been a bit off. Dizzy. Whenever i turned in bed, whenever i stood up i felt dizzy. And today i felt sick. Not extremely no. But when i was at the garden, after two three hours i decided to go home. Missing the Pot Luck.
So, i’m passing for today’s post. This is it. I will most likely watch tonight’s Zomergasten to see if there is anything interesting broadcasted. And i will go to bed in time. I feel tired.
Tomorrow, hopefully, i feel a lot better!
Tomorrow i have an appointment with Danny. He will dye my hair silver white blond. A short piece will be cut off as well, around five centimeters i’m guessing. Maybe a bit more layering. I’m nervous!
Over the last few weeks i took some books to the garden, hoping someone else would be interested in reading them. And some people were! The rest i will go through once again. Some i will bring to the small bookcases standing out on the streets, the miniature libraries. Some i will take to the Slegte, see if they are interested. If they are not, i will bring the rest to Piekfijn, a second-hand shop close by. I will also bring back my old iMac 27″ to the the Apple store Maddogs, also close by. The hard drive is broken, and i’m not keen on keeping it.
I will go through all my books to see if there are any more i want to get rid of. I will also go through my cupboards and check everything. Going to the attic soon!
I am giving myself time until the start of July to keep on working on ellenpronk.com. I do plan to write a post about events which have shaped me. Events which are still clear in my memory. Which i might need to leave behind me. Not sure about that. I got the plan for this post sometime in April. I am still thinking about the events i want to include. I will start writing soon.
After that i’m gonna take a break of a couple of weeks. Enjoy the summer.
Then i will start looking for another place to live. And if necessary work. I hope not. My plan is to find other means to earn myself a living. Through this website maybe. Not sure yet.
Salute!
I’m still thinking. I have grown more quiet here, on ellenpronk.com. I try to live my life as good as possible. Be open towards the people i meet. Friendly. It is hard. I still find myself talking too much. Not listening enough.
Still thinking. This morning the thought came up. I’m still using too much force. I’m still trying to break through. I’m still trying. I still need to loose myself, relax. Look outside and see what is there. Look inside and see what is in there. Ease up.
I still trust myself. Really. It is hard. I do worry sometimes. Practical things. Where i live. Money. Sure. But yes, i still trust myself.
Thank you for your patience.
*smile*
Reading
I am reading a collection of essays written by the Dutch writer Connie Palmen (Dutch Wikipedia article) called Het Drama van de Afhankelijkheid. I haven’t read any previous books from her. I enjoy these essays. I might read more books from her.
I am noticing a different form of reading. Slower. Reading the text out loud in my head. Reading paragraphs multiple times.
This is different from my escapist form of reading. In this form i read a story, in which i loose myself.
It is a lot more strenuous to read in this non-escapist way. I catch myself trying to loose myself every sentence. I have to keep myself on track. Read slow and carefully. Do not enjoy yourself. Think!
Today the Climate March was held in Amsterdam. The weather was terrible, hard winds and rain rain rain. I was wet through to my underclothes. This morning when i left i had the old weather forecast in my head. But no. Terrible.
I did love walking besides the Klimaatkoor wagon and singing along with the songs.
I felt i needed to be a part of this. I’m not a very political person, but i did want to let my voice be heard. Singing along was a good way to do this.
Sunday 10 March i will be joining the Climate March in Amsterdam. I have my own little cardboard poster, which i made last Sunday on the Peace Garden.
I am a bit nervous. Not really the person for big events, for a huge amount of people. But i do believe in voicing my concerns about the current political system. I am allowing myself the option to opt out at any time, but i do hope that won’t be necessary.
Salute!
My birthday. Not sure what i will be doing. Buying myself something nice i think. Enjoying the beautiful weather.
For you, the short film i made, Human. I love this film. I hope you will enjoy it.