Author Archives for Ellen

Calling

I do recognize the event of a calling within my life. A calling is amongst other things a strong inner impulse toward a particular course of action especially when accompanied by conviction of divine influence [source]. I do not consider myself to be religious, but i do value religion. In our current society religion is mostly seen as being old-fashioned, something of a bygone era. I see the many wrong things in religion, but there also many good things within it.

This calling i described has happened a couple of times in my life, the last time in 2014. Since then i let my life go through my hands. I stopped trying to earn a living, i sold my house. I still live on the money i made then.

I am still my own worst enemy. It is very hard for me to believe in this so-called calling. I still don’t. I still refuse. I just want to be myself, live my life in this world, the life meant for me. That i do believe. Our world believes in accidents, coincidences. Nothing is meant to be. I am not sure that is the truth. Even though half of me tries to convince myself that is the case, that is how this world operates. Just chance, nothing of meaning in it.

I do hope you will enjoy the weekend. Make a walk. Smile at people around you. Pat a dog you pass. Or a cat.

Salute!

Published on May 28, 2021 at 6:00 by
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A walk to the library

Today i walked to the library. So happy it is open again! The first part i walked up with Eric, my house lord with his little dog Blue. After i walked through the Spoortuin, then along the Westersingel to the Hema, where i bought half a rookworst. I sat there on a bench eating it, looking around me. Then i walked on to the library, over the market. A woman started talking to me, right before it. If i knew Our Father and Our Mother were taking care of us. We started a short talk and argued over Maria Magdalena. I was pretty sure she was not Mary the mother of Jesus. I also didn’t agree with her that God (my term, she kept saying Our Father) will take care of us. I think most of the hardships in the world are to make us stronger. But hey, that is only my opinion.

Well, that is my story for today. It is getting a bit warmer. Even though there was a bit of rain falling from the sky today. Most of it while i was back at home, happy to say.

Enjoy your day!

Published on May 26, 2021 at 6:00 by
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Keeping quiet

I am still thinking about my future. If i have one. I enjoy the walks i make almost every day. I enjoy smiling at people, saying hi, good morning, good afternoon, good day, sometimes chat with them, looking at the dogs, sometimes patting them. Simple things.

I try to make my head clear, see around me, think about the things happening. This is difficult. It is so easy to let the society in which i live determine me. The people around me determine me. I feel the space around me becoming smaller, tighter. Money. Yes.

I still have enough for the next year. But i don’t want to wait till its all gone.

I am getting closer, i can feel it. But it is hard.

I would like to write about science, personal big data, shopping / retail, gardening, permaculture, movies and their meanings, the life people lead, dogs and cats and birds, food and so many other things. Most of these things i have already written about sure. But to try and get it all into one perspective. Yes!

Published on May 24, 2021 at 6:00 by
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A bit messy

At times it is difficult for me to stay on course. To keep the feeling of where i am headed to, what i want to say. At the right time. What i want to say clearly, with a focused mind. Because i believe it, i trust in it.

I can feel the turmoil within myself.

I have talked about so many things on this website: the world, gardening, movies, music, reading, science. It feels to me i try to gather everything in my head and spit it out in a clear and decisive way. Impossible of course. I feel so stupid.

I need to find a good place to start. Something clear, to me anyway. Get my mind in order!

Published on May 20, 2021 at 6:00 by
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Compost

Today i walked up to the garden to empty my compost bucket. Only for the last five years, since i work in the gardens, i have been collecting my kitchen cuttings and brought them to the gardens compost areas. I love this process.

The benefits of compost include providing nutrients as fertilizer to the crop, acting as soil conditioner, increasing the humus or humic acids content of the soil, and introducing beneficial colonies of microbes in the soil, which help in suppressing pathogens. The natural interaction of the soil, plant roots and nutrient / microorganisms of compost improves the soil structure. An improved soil structure will increase the soil water retention ability and control soil erosion. Compost can be used for land and stream reclamation, wetland construction and landfill cover.

I know some schools still go to school gardens to teach the pupils something about plants, veggies and fruits. I hope one day composting will be an area where pupils learn the basic principles of. I hope one day composting will be completely normal and something you just do, wherever you live, in a big city or a small town or somewhere completely rural. It still stuns me i have lived for fifty years on this planet without knowing anything about this.

Published on May 17, 2021 at 6:00 by
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