Author Archives for Ellen

Choose

I follow Pieter Omtzigt on Twitter. I voted for him at the general elections at the start of this year, 2021. Even though he was still part of the CDA – he got out of the party early summer. I truly admire him, even though we might differ in opinion on several subjects. But close enough on others.

But his way is not my way.

I follow Greta Thunberg. She is still so young, her mind made up, she sees things clearly and is not afraid to speak up. She is outspoken. “Blah, blah, blah.”

Her way is not my way though.

I admire George Monbiot. His tweets are thought provoking. His articles in the Guardian are a continuous fight against all the things wrong in the world: capitalism, governments failures to get things right, toxic stuff and poisons spread around the world. Amongst other things.

It is not my way.

Tinkebell is my favourite Dutch artist. She fights for the refugees trying to enter Greece, fights for Fukushima, the Tata Steel company near IJmuiden with its spread of lead, PAH (polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons), manganese, iron, chromium, arsenic, barium and many other metals and minerals. She makes art, with every breath she takes. She also saves the world.

Not my way.

I still don’t know what my way is. I would like to go out into the world, meet all sorts of different people, talk with them about all the things going on in this world. On the other hand, i enjoy the silence i am in right now. Just once a week meeting some people who work in the garden to drink a cup of tea.

But it is only a short break. It is time to make up my mind. Time to choose. Choose something between than this silence i am in right now and a full up life i can only envisage right now.

Either way is good. I have to choose that side which feels like me, that is all. And maybe it is not choosing between those sides, maybe i should try and get it all. The quiet and the fullness.

Published on November 19, 2021 at 6:00 by
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Low carb bounties

I am still making several things for me, especially sweet ones. Today i made low-carb bounties. Easy. I made a paste with coconut rasp, coconut milk, coconut oil and some erythritol. Two hours in the freezer, then i covered it with a 90% chocolate from Lindt.

I first thought of making slagroomtruffels – cream truffels, not sure what the proper translation is for these. This uses more whip cream and butter. It is a bit more fatty. Saving this for another day!

Published on November 18, 2021 at 6:00 by
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My choices

All the choices i made have defined my life. Minor choices, major choices. Go left or right. Work or don’t work. Sell my house.

One choice was to get back to working online. I stopped in 2006. At first hesitant, but within a couple of years working online grew more to the background, till it turned out of sight. In October 2014 i got back into it.

So, here I am. Not entirely sure which way is the best. The only way forward I see is to follow my own heart. Which is a bit scary, truth be told. But i think i can handle myself. Finally.

Source

I made a few javascript presents. Experimenting a bit, getting a feel for the field. In January 2015 i wrote a post called About. That was it. My last present on lfs.nl.

And now it is November 2021. I have sold my house, almost four years ago. I lived of the money i made then up until now. Sometimes i think i should have rented a room in my old house, or have waited a while and made much more money. But that is all in the past, long gone. I gotta deal with what i have done in the past, not regret the decisions i have made. No use.

The past weeks, ever since i moved into this house i am living in for now, i was lying awake a couple of hours each night, feeling afraid of what is lying ahead of me. Despair. The feeling of the coming time as a time destitute of meaning, me loosing everything i have, me living on the streets.

During the days i felt better. But at night these anxious feelings crept over me. This week though it was less. The idea of writing a post which will spread over the world is still in me. I’m not sure this post is what i had in mind. I gotta let go for a bit to write something i think is valuable.

I am not going into working at the garden anymore. I do visit sometimes, usually at Fridays. Tomorrow, Friday, i will be going there. I will drink a cup of tea and then i will go to Spirit and drink some coffee or eat smething and read a newspaper. I try to keep things normal as long as possible.

It does feel i am crawling further. Slow to the ground. Keeping aware of a couple of things that gets mentioned on facebook and twitter. Aware that for most people this world is like a hellhole. And other people unaware of that. I am not sure which way to go.

It is odd to me that i haven’t found a boyfriend over the years. It’s not i do need a boyfriend, i am at ease on my own. But over the years i have felt attracted to some people. It just never worked out. And i outgrew each time i fell for somebody. The last time i fell something for somebody is years ago. And still, i’d love to be with somebody. Someone to talk with, cuddle with, cook for, kiss with, have sex with. But i am picky.

I still hope i will find someone. Will find some happiness in this world. Will find work i enjoy doing. Hopefully.

Published on November 12, 2021 at 6:00 by
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Square and a bit more

I made a start with a post i will post tomorrow evening. I hope i can get my thoughts together. I’m happy i made a start with the post today, it gives me a direction in which to look for something worth mentioning.

Published on November 11, 2021 at 6:00 by
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Outside

I just made a roundabout walk to the supermarket. I bought toilet paper, baking sheets, rasped mozzarella, salami, black olives, cream and black peppercorns. Today i’m gonna make pizza! I have a recipe for a fathead pizza, with almond flour, cheeses and an egg. And some salt. With a topping of salami, tomato and cheese. Maybe some sun dried tomatoes on top as well. I bought those last week.

I’ll make a photo!

I am leaving 1/3 of the pizza till tomorrow. I’m quite full now. Enjoy today!

Published on November 9, 2021 at 6:00 by
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At home

A Sunday at home. A bit of sunshine in the morning. Reading Hyperion. It is quiet in this house. The living room is at the back. I look up into the trees. Some yellow leaves, but the tree right in front of my house still has many green leaves. A blackbird. Coal tits. Great tits. The past few weeks in the afternoon i saw parakeets flying around. They are lovely green. But not a very good song. More like shouting. I also saw a jay flying around a few weeks ago. At least i think it was.

Sometimes i hear the neighbours. Tapping water, talking a bit. In the evening i may hear music. Not that much though.

I love this place.

Published on November 8, 2021 at 6:00 by
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