Author Archives for Ellen

There is a rhythm to it. It has grown over time. I still enjoy the pace i set here, five updates a week, five weeks free each year. Or four weeks. It depends on how i feel.

The last few weeks i followed the same pattern: one day a drawing, another day some photos, one day something i write, another day i throw the I Ching or i quote from the Tao Te Ching. And the last week of last year i made a TikTok clip.

I’m still not sure about TikTok. I have only made the one clip, a beginner one. But it is on my mind. Not that i value much of what i have seen on TikTok sofar. But it is still a world to discover for me. I will see what if any will grow out of it.

The thought for this post came halfway during the day. Sunday. This morning the mind was blurry. I wasn’t really thinking about what i would do today for the post. In the afternoon the thought came up. How i work here. Strange how i never thought of that before. But here it is.

I might do another TikTok clip this week. I may write another piece. I enjoyed the one i wrote last week. That one was made in steps. First i thought i would make something really well written, rewrite everything, delete some stuff. But no, it was all in there, but in a small font. Smaller as it got older.

So i got several easy ones like the I Ching, some which require some work, but are not difficult, like making photographs, some which require inspiration, like making drawings. And then some which came back to me, filming. This time short films. And then of course writing something. It could be a memory, or something i came across during the day, or something i am thinking about.

That is it for now.

Salute!

Fuck it.

Fuck it all.

I am so afraid. I feel like a train running towards the end of the line and not slowing down. Crash and burn i will, i’m sure.

To me one of the causes of the current corona-crisis is the amount of people and cattle living on our earth, the current flying movements, deforestation. Amongst other things.

The current figures from January 05, 2022, 13:43 GMT are:

Coronavirus Cases: 295,850,800

Deaths: 5,476,857

Recovered: 256,292,665

This is severe, but not as severe as other pandemics covering the world. HIV/AIDS caused 32.7 million deaths sice the epidemic started in the early 70s. The Spanish flue infected half a billion people wordwide killing 20 to 100 million. The Black Death gave an estimation of between 75 to 200 million deaths. In percentages against the total world population these figures are even more severe.

Our current system is far from infallible. It is confusing to me. Some people i trust. But there is a multitude of voices and posts and articles each screaming loudly its own truth.

I am usually a happy person. When i walk about i say good day to people i come across. Well, the ones i catch the eyes of. But the past half year was a bit more difficult. Especially at night i lie awake for hours, worrying about the future. My money is running out. A few months ago i thought about this and half decided to go looking for a job in the new year. Now it is 2022, and i decided against that. I still have a few thousand euros, still enough for a couple of months. And i simply do not want to work for money. I refuse. I don’t know what i will do when i run out and things are still the same in my life. I do hope things will not be the same. My big hope. That i will write something here, or make a drawing, or make photographs. Anything to get me out of here.

We are getting closer to two years of having the corona virus traveling around the world. So far i never had corona. I did get two vaccinations. Tuesday 4 January i have gotten my third one. Partly i get these vaccinations because of my diabetes. I live a quiet life, spending most of my time alone at home. I enjoy making long walks, but lately it is not any longer than walking into town or a park. Still forty five minutes.