Author Archives for Ellen

Random thoughts

The past two years i have been working in the garden. I haven’t been looking for working. A few things i turned down. Not my thing. No experience with the requirements. It doesn’t feel like i actively stopped looking for work. It slipped away.

A few days ago i had a short talk about the videoclip Spring i made. I still need to learn so many things. About filming, about editing, about what thoughts i can put into it. I do know i need to stay close to my life as it is right now.

It is difficult since almost everyone has a passive knowledge of how these videoclips should look. Our lives are saturated with commercials, movies, videoclips. It is hard for me to go through this and try to make something which i like to look at, something from which i can learn. Something new. But also old.

It is difficult. But i can not stop. I do want to get to what i want to say. I do have these images in my mind. I do want to get there.

So yes, gardening is taking a step back. A bit unsure about it. And i wont leave it all together. But the focus is on my work. As it should be.

Published on July 18, 2018 at 6:00 by
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Reasons

The song i talked about last week, Reasons, from Earth Wind & Fire. Love this song, but it is a hard one to sing. So this time only a part.

At the first sound i crinch. Eew. It gets a bit better, but it is hard listening to myself. Brrr.

Reasons
Now, I’m craving your body, is this real
Temperature’s rising, I don’t want to feel
I’m in the wrong place to be real
And I’m longing to love you just for a night
Kissing and hugging and holding you tight
Please let me love you
With all my might

Reasons, the reasons that we’re here
The reasons that we fear
Our feelings won’t disappear

And after the love game has been played
All our illusions were just a parade
And all the reasons start to fade

La, la la la, la, la la la
La, la la la, la, la la la
La, la la la, la, la la la
La, la la la, la, la la la

After all our reasons why
All the reasons were a lie
After all the reasons love
Love was left aside

And, longing to love you for one night
Please let me love you with all of my might, baby
Ooh baby

Reasons, the reasons that we’re here
The reasons that we fear
Our feelings won’t disappear

And after the love games have been played
All our illusions were just a parade
And all the reasons start to fade

And, in the morning when I rise
No longer feeling hypnotized
For no reasons, our reasons, our reasons
Have no pride

After all our reasons why
All the reasons were a lie
After all the reasons love
Love was left aside

I can’t find the reasons
That my love won’t disappear
Can’t find the reasons
Why I love you, my baby, my dear
Can’t find the reasons
Wanna love you all night
Can’t find the reasons
Gotta squeeze ya, real tight
Can’t find the reasons
Baby yeah
For my tears
Can’t find the reasons
Why I love ya

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Published on July 13, 2018 at 6:00 by
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Low carb

Seven years ago i was diagnosed with diabetes. Since then i took pills. And for two years i have been giving myself insulin after i have measured a too high glucose in my blood. I also started to go to a dietitian again. Seven years ago i went to another dietitian, but it to my liking. The only thing i learned was to spread my meals a bit during the day. I also got a piece of paper with the traditional low fat meals on it. I never used it.

I have been talking with my current dietitian about my food. I do have a sweet tooth. I do enjoy bread. Potatoes. Pasta. The one thing i learned through reading online is that low-carb is a good type of diet for diabetes.

I talked with my dietitian about this and i have tried to minimize my carbs. With difficulty.

At the start of June, just over a month ago, i decided to really make a go with it. These are the rules from A Guide to Healthy Low-Carb Eating with Diabetes i follow:

Foods to Eat

  • Meat, poultry and seafood
  • Eggs
  • Cheese
  • Non-starchy vegetables (most vegetables except those listed below)
  • Avocados
  • Olives
  • Olive oil, coconut oil, butter, cream, sour cream and cream cheese

Foods to Eat in Moderation

  • Berries: 1 cup or less
  • Plain, Greek yogurt: 1 cup or less
  • Cottage cheese: 1/2 cup or less
  • Nuts and peanuts: 1–2 oz or 30–60 grams
  • Flaxseeds or chia seeds: 2 tablespoons
  • Dark chocolate (at least 85% cocoa): 30 grams or less
  • Winter squash (butternut, acorn, pumpkin, spaghetti and hubbard): 1 cup or less
  • Liquor: 1.5 oz or 50 grams
  • Dry red or white wine: 4 oz or 120 grams

Foods to Avoid

  • Bread, pasta, cereal, corn and other grains
  • Starchy vegetables like potatoes, sweet potatoes, yams and taro
  • Legumes, such as peas, lentils and beans (except green beans and snow peas)
  • Milk
  • Fruit other than berries
  • Juice, soda, punch, sweetened tea, etc
  • Beer
  • Desserts, baked goods, candy, ice cream, etc

I have minimized my alcohol ever since 2011. A year and a half ago i stopped drinking wine at home. I drank two bottles a week then. Now i occasionally drink wine or beer. Usually once a month. Longer even. Sugar, desserts, cakes and all, that is hard to leave standing. Really hard. still working on it. Coffee is hit and miss. The past three weeks i did drink coffee at home, with sugar and cream. I will go back to tea once the coffee is finished. Tea i drink with no sugar. Bread is difficult. Today i baked a new bread, with lots of eggs, courgette and coconut flour. I like it. I will try more recipes. I’ll keep you posted here about them!

I am happy i am an omnivore. It would be really difficult to eat low-carb as a vegan.

My glucose has been significantly less the past month. I just got to keep it up.

Published on July 12, 2018 at 6:00 by
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Living

Walking around my house, looking at the apartments, rising up in the sky. Listening to the people working in the house besides mine. Looking at the cat playing outside, looking up into the tree.

Looking at the trees. Listening to the birds. Watching the cars passing by. Working in the garden. Eating the courgettes. Opening the garden in the morning. Closing the garden in the evening.

My life is passing by gently. For now.

I am filming. Since last week. People. The people living their own lives.

Hoping i can make something good.

I love to work on it. Filming. Editing. Looking at the clips i have made.

My life for now.

I do look to the sky, the moon when i can see it while i walk to the garden. I think about now. This now which moves on for everybody. Nobody can escape this continuously moving on nowness. You can of course hide in your mind, in another time, in another place. But hiding doesn’t make you escape anything. I love to look at the sky, think of this world as it is. Now.

Published on July 10, 2018 at 6:00 by
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Singing songs

This afternoon i sang along with my singing songs for almost two hours. My voice is getting better. But the song i want to sing, Reasons, is still out of my league.

So after singing that song twice, when it came up in the shuffle, i decided i wouldn’t post it yet. I need to practice more. Over the next week or so. Need to get this song in my system.

This playlist has most of the songs i have already sung in it plus a couple of other songs i really like and which i want to practice. Like Reasons. A song i know since the mid 70s, when i tried to sing along with it reading the lyrics from the album cover. Not my album, no, my sister’s.

Singing along made me realize i should do this more often. Like, every day. I love it. For now, i’m gonna watch a bit of television. The Great British Bake Off is on tonight. I have seen it already, but i don’t mind that. I love to watch it anytime.

🙂

Published on July 6, 2018 at 6:00 by
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