Abortion and other things

I am not sure how i feel about abortion. For me right now it is no longer an issue, since i can not get pregnant anymore. I’m also quite careful with myself. I did not have penetrative sex with anybody for the past 28 years. But when i was younger i was taking the pill for five years. Taking the pill. Simple words for something not so simple at all. When i was around 21 or 22 years old i stopped taking it. I wasn’t having sex, i felt i was putting these hormones in my system each and every day for no reason at all. Well, apart from my period. But once i stopped with them i found out my period wasn’t giving me the aches i had when i was younger. So that was that.

In 1993 i had a short relationship of around two months. The last time we had sex the condom broke. My partner suggested to me to take a morning after pill. Which i did. I didn’t want to get pregnant. Of course i was uncertain i was pregnant at all, but to be sure i felt it was a passable thing to do. I never had any thoughts about having a abortion ever in my life. I’m happy to say.

What would i have done if i was pregnant? In the ideal situation i would be in a steady relationship and i would have gotten the child. But if not, what would i have done? I don’t know. I have been thinking about this for the past few years. Or rather, thinking about why i never got a child, why i never got a boyfriend. Was i too picky? Was i setting myself up with too high demands? Didn’t i have a child wish?

I don’t think i had. I’m leaving behind the question why i didn’t have a boyfriend to another post, or not talk about that at all. A child of my own. No, that wasn’t in my system. I cried over it one time in my early 40s. The past few years i thought about this once again and i do feel sorrow over this. Sorrow my life will not be the usual life most people experience, of having a relationship, having children growing up in your care.

While i’m writing this i do feel tears coming up. But i am not full of regret. I can accept this as a fact, as a consequence of my own choosing how to live my own life. I can see the different roads a life can take. I took a different path than the one most people take.

I do feel the need to be more careful with me take on abortion. I’m not against it, but i am also not in favour of it. Sex and procreation are basically the same thing. The use of the pill, over the past sixty years has build a division between them. Nowadays people are used to having sex with no consequences at all. And when a little accident happens, something that doesn’t fit into your life, you get rid of it. I find myself doubting my own views from when i was so much younger, when i was so very much pro abortion, in an idealized sense of course. On the whole i do criticize my own thoughts from those days, my 20s and 30s mostly. I don’t think i was actually thinking my thoughts in that time. Simply repeating the things i heard around me, making a selection of the best sounding thoughts.

Right now i am trying to stay clear of having my own set of thoughts. I am trying to listen more, stay quiet and pay attention what other people are saying, without letting these thoughts taking me over.

Strange how ones life can develop over time.

Published on September 14, 2021 at 6:00 by

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.