Following

Today wasn’t a productive day. This entire week wasn’t that productive, to be honest. I felt too happy. My mind was racing. I did get new ideas for posts. New ideas for the future. But not yet the time to write them down. I will, of course. But yes, getting a bit quieter in my mind is important. So today i simply read a bit, washed myself thoroughly, with warm water. A friend came by with dumpster dived bread, with raisins and nuts. Lovely! And i watched Star Trek Discovery. I quite like it. I do hope i am getting ready. Well, like i have been over the past fifty three years. It does feel to me to be so obvious, so clear. Looking back on my life, the way i have felt before, living it. All the feelings i have hidden away. All the adjustments i made, trying to fit in. I just never really did.

Well. I threw the I Ching. Following. With a changing second line, bringing me back to the Joyous. Good signs. Being the youngest daughter, this sign always felt close to me.

Ooh… there is one more thing. My father died in October. My mother called my last Saturday and told me. She had read it in a newspaper. He died 16 October 2017. He was 88 years old. I hadn’t seen him in almost thirty years.

My father was the person who pushed me away. And now he is gone. I haven’t cried a tear over him. He has been out of my life for so long. So yes, now he is gone. He left me with a few happy memories. But most are not. Goodbye daddy.