Author Archives for Ellen

Around ten months ago i got the idea of making another video clip. Yay! i thought. I was gonna make a hand drawn video, like the drawings i make and publish here. I thought about it for months. I set up a new video in flash. I was going to publish it in quicktime.

Then i changed my mind. Slowly the idea of filming and making the video in final cut pro took over. That is where i’m at right now. But i still don’t know the song, i only have filmed a few bits of me walking over paths. But i have ideas of filming myself dancing, singing, staring at the world.

I will make this video. I will. It doesn’t need to be smooth, doesn’t need to be fancy. I want it to be truthful, close to my life as it is right now. Working, walking, reading, watching movies and television. Well, walking, singing and dancing is enough material.

I hope i will find the song soon. Maybe it is one i have already sung. Maybe it is from a favourite group, maybe it is a new song. I don’t know. I do know where i will sing it. The bathroom where i live has a beautiful sound. Of course.

I am happy i am not letting go of this idea. I am happy thoughts keep changing bit by bit. Even though i feel quite sad lately, and alone in this world, i still have these ideas to make me happy.

One more week till Christmas! Not that special to me, but still, a week off is nice. Yay!

Last week, during one night, i woke up. It was around two, three maybe?

My head was filled with worry about why i had sold my house, now almost six years ago. It startled me. I thought i had left this far behind me. But no.

It is strange that now i work, i make a bit of money, i could easily live in my old house with the mortgage i was paying for it at the time.

There is of course nothing i can do about it. It is a time gone by. I live here and now. I’m still not sure what way my life will take. I do know waking up last week did something to me. Yes, i feel a bit sad. Yes, it is difficult right now.

I’m not letting it take me down. Sure, i can worry, i can feel sad, lost. But the next day i’m still good to go.