Author Archives for Ellen

Delusion

Still single.

But i do dream, i do fall in love at times, i do feel aroused at times. The last time was last weekend, and it confused me. Terribly. I felt pretty sure this wasn’t going to be anything serious, but it sure felt like that for two days. It did hit me quite full on. Too confused to think this through, i could only feel my body react.

So yes, there were a couple of hours in which i simply felt overtaken by desire. Wham.

It is not what i wish for myself. Still difficult to get through.

It has become less over the past 24 hours. Today i added some elements to my drawing. I started designing a booklet about vegetables and dishes from the garden. I listened to some music. I played a bit of wow and stardew valley. I stared out of the window and looked at the trees with their leaves moving in the slight wind.

I hope i am managing. I hope i can finish my drawing in a couple of weeks. I hope i can keep myself on the right track. Or rather, my own track.

I do feel a bit sad leaving this behind me. But that is also a delusion. It is all in my own head. Walk on!

Published on July 14, 2020 at 6:00 by
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Dark

The past week i have been watching Dark, a german language original Netflix series. I watched the first season way back in 2017 or 2018, when i had my first Netflix account.

I just did a search online looking for articles about this show and the time travel concept in it. I only came to the conclusion i need to watch it all from the start once again. Yeah, it is complicated.

My own thoughts about time travel are that on this planet, in our world it is not possible. Not for one person to travel to a specific point in time back or ahead. I don’t know about the entire universe, there are black holes and stars and dark matter which could have their specific mass en time adjusting parameters. I don’t think humans can survive in those circumstances. For me, we are here and we are not going anywhere pretty soon. So we all live in the same time. That to me is very special. With the internet and social media, communication is traveling so much faster and makes it easier for people to know what is happening on the other side of the world in minutes. So much more interesting to me right now.

I will post a quote about Dark and leave it at that. And of course i will watch the whole series again, once i have finished the third season i am in the middle of right now.

Why do you think time travel is such a big thing in storytelling right now?

Jantje Friese: I think it’s two things. One thing is that people who make content now grew up with Back to the Future. And the other thing is that we live in uncertain times, we fear what is coming in the future and we have a nostalgic thing about the past, about going back to how it used to be before we had social media and internet, to better times. And time-travel stories somehow connect us in the present with our longing for the past and this fear for the future.

Baran Bo Odar: It’s really an interesting question. Why is time travel such a thing now? When Matrix came out, there were a lot of stories that questioned reality. “Is this real or not?” That’s now less of a question. Now time travel is more of a thing in pop culture. What does it stand for? Is it because we hope to change things we already have messed up, like climate change? I really don’t know.

Source: The Creators of Netflix’s Dark on Why Writing Time-Travel Stories Is Like Playing Jazz

Published on July 10, 2020 at 6:00 by
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Unsure

I just spend some time thinking about the post for tomorrow. Nothing came up. Of course, i could go for the usual things i do when i don’t have a clear idea of what i want to show or tell. I could throw the I Ching. Make a photograph. Draw something.

It won’t do. Not now.

So here it is. Nothing significant of me right now. Nothing i want to tell you. I’d rather go on reading, watch a bit of youtube, go on watching the third season of Dark on Netflix. Watch some television. Things like that.

Salute!

Published on July 9, 2020 at 6:00 by
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A difficult life

It still feels to me i’m standing at a crossroads in my life. I have made choices already. The most important one is selling the house i lived in. I still live on the surplus of money i got from that.

There is a knot of unrest inside of me. I am not sure how to live on. How to spend the rest of my days.

We all live our own lives, with all the difficulties that comes with it. It is different for each and everyone. This is my life. With everything that comes with it. I made it myself, with all the choices i have taken in my past. Some good, some bad. I need to own it, every single one.

I don’t want to be dramatic. I do feel confused, not sure, not clear cut about the direction my life is headed towards. I feel careful. Not at ease.

I am thinking. About the world, about what is happening, about how we act, what we do, what we say.

It is difficult. Absolutely.

Published on July 7, 2020 at 6:00 by
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Summertime

Camomile
And more camomile
And still more 🙂
Lovely little white flower, no idea of the name
Horseradish!
Calendula, my favourite flower
Makes me so happy
Onions, still growing bigger
One horseradish uprooted, a bit too early. Better to do this in September
An onion flower
The table in the middle of the garden. It was actually warm today!
Published on July 3, 2020 at 6:00 by
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