Walking in the freeze cold
Author Archives for Ellen
A view from afar
Thinking back on my life so far is one of my main occupations the past few weeks. Or rather, years. Some moments stand out.
The dream i had in my early twenties, or it might have been my late teens. I am not sure. In that dream i was a small child. I felt very happy. My hands were on the warm stones of a one or tow tiered steps. My mother pointed to something behind me. My father, with a camera in front of his face. Click. At that time i still had the photograph that my father made. I actually looked a bit grumpy. I couldn’t see the happiness i knew i felt. A vivid remembrance dream.
Almost a year ago i moved out of my old house. I still miss it. But i also feel it is a step i needed to take. To get myself loose from this life i was leading, stifling myself. Setting my life open to other things happening. Something unexpected. Of course, so far nothing out of the ordinary has happened yet. I still hope. I still hope i can find within myself the courage to go through with it. To do something all by myself.
I have made many mistakes.
The week in 1986 in February, the week in which i made the drawings i ended up giving to Green Gartside 5 years ago is etched into my mind. The week in which i bought the album Songs to Remember, the week in which i heard the song The “Sweetest Girl” for the very first time. While i was listening to this song i threw the coins for the I Ching and got the following lines.
Life leads the thoughtful man on a path of many windings.
Now the course is checked, now it runs straight again.
Here winged thoughts may pour freely forth in words,
There the heavy burden of knowledge must be shut away in silence.
But when two people are at one in the inmost hearts,
They shatter even the strength of iron or of bronze.
And when two people understand each other in their inmost hearts,
Their words are sweet and strong, like the fragrance of orchids.Source: 13. T’ung Jên / Fellowship with Men ° Nine in the fifth place
I tried to get away from this week, i tried to keep my head clear. I often failed. And sometimes succeeded. Not sure which one i prefer now.
Those years i spend all alone, between 2007 and 2014. The years in which i had given up. These years made me stronger in the end.
Just a few moments of the things which to me are so personal and so important. I talked about them before. They are still with me.
Enjoy the weekend! Salute!
Curfew
I am not sure why the boys and young men – very few girls amongst them – are rioting in the Dutch cities. I don’t even know if the people participating in these riots know it themselves. Some might be joining because of the excitement, the fun of it. Some might be joining because they are spoiled little kids. Some might be joining because they do not feel heard.
It is easy to judge these people. I hope we will be able to hear them one day.
Ursula K. Le Guin Quotes
“Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.”
“We’re each of us alone, to be sure. What can you do but hold your hand out in the dark?”
“When you light a candle, you also cast a shadow.”
“The trouble is that we have a bad habit, encouraged by pedants and sophisticates, of considering happiness as something rather stupid. Only pain is intellectual, only evil interesting. This is the treason of the artist; a refusal to admit the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain.”
“What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?”
“Light is the left hand of darkness
and darkness the right hand of light.
Two are one, life and death, lying
together like lovers in kemmer,
like hands joined together,
like the end and the way.”
Published on January 27, 2021 at 6:00 by Ellen
Categorised in: Books, films and TV
A walk
Clean clothes
I don’t buy that much to be honest. My basic clothes, like leggings, t-shirts and tank tops i buy at the Hema. Price is the main factor in this decision. The other brands on this page are a bit more expensive. I try to be aware of what fabrics are used and where the clothes are made.
I have bought clothes at the shop from Joline Jolink from around 8 or 9 years ago. In the beginning she had a shop in Amsterdam, around seven years ago she moved to Rotterdam. Most clothes are made from rest parties of fabric. A year ago she made vegan trainers. I especially love her dresses.
Sofar i have never bought anything from Toast. I do click on the ads i see on Facebook and sofar i have loved most thing i see. On my list of things to buy for sure.
I once walked into the store of Jux on the Meent in Rotterdam. I liked some things i saw in there, but i did find it a bit expensive. Still, once i have a bit more money, i will be tempted.
Looking back on Oct 29, 2015
More than five years ago i made this video. I used the beginnings and thoughtless pieces i had filmed. The moving in past the floor and the window and the ceiling of my old house. This is a piece of work i love.
I just watched it again.Seeing the parts of my old home, seeing my face, my eyes as it was five years ago. It brought tears in my eyes.
I am still not sure how to turn my life around. I hope i will manage it.
Salute!
Inaugeration
Pandemic
I am not afraid to catch corona myself. I live alone, i do not see that many people. Only when i am outside in the garden. Outside the contamination is minimal.
I try to keep my head straight. It is difficult to decide who to trust and who not. Not sure i make the right decisions. I hope i do. I read some online newspapers. It does take a lot of time.
I do think this pandemic is actually not that severe. It is contagious, yes. But the percentage of people dying from it is rather low. To me, it is comparable to influenza. The main difference is that COVID (Coronavirus Disease) is a new disease and humans are not immune to it.
On the other hand, corona until now (january 19 2021) has taken around 2,040,000 people’s lives. From the Dutch figures i have learned 91% from all deaths in the Netherlands are over 70. The older you are, the higher chance you have more vulnerability factors.
I am worried about this pandemic though. The various mutations have different characteristics. So far the main difference is in infectivity.
Like i said at the top of this post, i am not afraid to catch corona. If i do, i hope it will be a mild version. I i die, it is simply the way it can go. Of course i hope i will stay healthy.
[…] The anthropogenic destruction of biodiversity is paving the way to the pandemic era and could result in as many as 850,000 viruses being transmitted from animals – in particular birds and mammals – to humans. The “exponential rise” in consumption and trade of commodities such as meat, palm oil, and metals, largely facilitated by developed nations, and a growing human population, are the primary drivers of this destruction.
In a press conference on 28 December 2020 Dr Mike Ryan, head of the WHO Emergencies Program and other officials said the current COVID-19 pandemic is “not necessarily the big one” and “the next pandemic may be more severe.” They called for preparation.
All quotes from this article are from Wikipedia: Pandemic.
Complicated
Last Friday the Dutch cabinet fell.
I have thought about this. I have watched Dutch talk shows: Op1, WNL, Buitenhof.
I noticed the clear condemnation of the Dutch politicians: verschrikkelijk, terrible was the general used word. This never should have happened. Rather easy to say after a devastating report called Ongekend Onrecht (Unknown Injustice). I did watch all the talk shows and the press conference of the cabinet in which they announced their resignation. It was a month since the report came out, and the pressure had not died down.
I do not follow Dutch politics each and every day. I do not know all the names of Dutch governors. But the past few days i watched as much as i could, read a couple of articles on reliable sources. But not nearly enough.
And it is not only Dutch politics in which things like this are happening. The whole Brexit thing, the Trump government with the storming of the Capitol on January 5 this year, only a week and a half ago.
People are fooled easily. Including me. There is hardly any truth around, only falsehoods, things skimmed over, things not told, things not seen.
Complicated.
Het geheugen van de Tweede Kamer is kort, zodat het verband tussen de problemen van vandaag en de oplossingen van gisteren zelden wordt opgemerkt.
The memory of the House of Representatives is short, therefore the connection between problems of today and solutions of yesterday is seldom noticed.
Source: de Correspondent: Tienduizenden gedupeerden, maar geen daders: zo ontstond de tragedie achter de toeslagenaffaire