Author Archives for Ellen

Mad as hell

Over the past few weeks i have been lying awake during the night. My mind is worried. Worried about my money running out slowly but surely. The past day i thought about applying for a temporary job. That is not what i want, but it might seem to be the only real way out for me. Because i don’t want to live dependent on the friends i have.

At the same time i want to bump into that money limit. It is a completely imaginary way of almost dying, disappearing from life. That is what appeals to me. I don’t want to go back to working and making a living and dying in some place unremarkable with no history and nothing to show for my life. But, on the other hand, i can imagine my life being quiet and unremarkable and about learning to control my inner urges, which of course i do have. A restful life.

Why do i need to pick a side? Why can’t i simply live my life as i see fit? Well, the world and the people are not that fair. You need to fight for what you want. I have had it easy so far. So buckle up and take it as it comes to you, miss Pronk.

I have been hiding. I crept away. I was satisfied working here on this website with no clear goal.

And of course i am mad as hell. It is no use though. If i want something, fight for it!

Published on March 4, 2022 at 6:00 by

More quiet now

I do enjoy the quiet. The past few days, since the day the war between Russia and Ukraine started, i was very much into twitter, youtube and even television. I watched the news, strangely for me.

I love the quiet, the solitude, the silence. The cars are far away, mostly i hear the birds singing their song lately. Early spring singing. It is my basis. Of course this doesn’t mean i can not handle any upheaval or confusion in my life. I know i can.

Published on March 3, 2022 at 6:00 by

Quiet and angry

With the war going on between the Ukraine and Russia, i’m in between feeling angry and quiet. Angry with the world, with the way things are developing. Quiet because that is me. Of course now is not the time to be quiet. I want to yell. Scream. But no, i am not. Not yet anyway.

This is a confusing time. The war between Russia and the Ukraine goes against anything i can imagine. The deaths, the destruction, the fleeing of people, it is all so devastating. My mind tries to understand something of Putin, but this is too farfetched. Even when reading about people like Dugin – see my post of yesterday – it is alien to me.

I think back on the previous wars: the Iraq war, the war in North-West Pakistan, the war in Yemen, the war in Lebanon, the war in Somalia, the war in Georgia, the Boko Harum uprising, the Syrian civil war. This is just a selection of the wars in the world from 2003 till the present day. Three quarters of these wars i had never even heard about. I live here in the Netherlands feeling safe and protected.

In between the ongoing assault of the war news is a frightening message from the IPCC: “This report is a dire warning about the consequences of inaction”. We are at the edge of counter measures against the climate change. Only for around ten years will measures we take have an effect.

Part of me rejects reading this message on the news website and on twitter. As i do all other messages i read which aren’t about the war. Something i have to fight within myself. The current war is a problem, of course, but there are so many other problems going on in the world right now.

And yet, to me this world seems to be going on and on. Wars, floods, fires, volcano eruptions, it all keeps on happening. There are only moments of peace and tranquility. It seems.

I do want to find rest within myself. And at times i find it. To loose it all once again. Like i did the last few days.

I stand still and straight.

Salute!

Published on March 2, 2022 at 6:00 by

Money is a myth

This tweet stayed in my head over the past day: money is a myth. It is part of a long tweet line from Kameel Galeev (Not sure this is his real name, but it is his twitter name).

I am against war, of course. But in this case i am all for the Ukrainian people fighting against the Russians. It is deeply tragic that Russia invaded the Ukraine. One name which surfaces is of the philosopher Dugin. Dugin is one of the main inspirations of Putin.

According to Dugin, the forces of liberal and capitalist Western civilization represent what the ancient Greeks called ὕβρις (hubris), “the essential form of titanism” (the anti-ideal form), which opposes Heaven (“the ideal form—in terms of space, time, being”). In other words, the West would summarize “the revolt of the Earth against Heaven”. To what he calls the West’s “atomizing” universalism, Dugin contrasts an apophatic universalism, expressed in the political idea of “empire”. Values of democracy, human rights, individualism are considered by him not to be universal but uniquely Western.

These thoughts are alien to me. I am a woman born in Western Europe raised with the understanding of freedom, rationalism, human rights, liberal democracy, freedom of conscience and expression. That is my world. I would pick it anytime over and over again. It is impossible for me to pick something else to guide my life with.

Even though, i do try to understand these feelings. I do find this very hard though.

Well, this post is a bit of a mix up. Going from money is a myth to Dugin was not my intention. I am angry and upset by the current events on our world platform. I’ll go back and watch television and twitter. Salute!

Published on March 1, 2022 at 6:00 by

WAR

Added Monday February 28 2022

Added Sunday February 27 2022

Published on February 28, 2022 at 6:00 by

Wood chips

The storm earlier this week gave us wood chips! Today i helped out for a couple of hours getting the wood chips in the garden. I feel it 🙂
On my way back home i walked past the Peace Garden and i saw the almond trees starting to get flowers. Lovely 🙂
Published on February 25, 2022 at 6:00 by

Youthful Folly

4. Mêng / Youthful Folly

above KêN KEEPING STILL, MOUNTAIN
below K’AN THE ABYSMAL, WATER

In this hexagram we are reminded of youth and folly in two different ways. The image of the upper trigram, Kên, is the mountain, that of the lower, K’an, is water; the spring rising at the foot of the mountain is the image of inexperienced youth. Keeping still is the attribute of the upper trigram; that of the lower is the abyss, danger. Stopping in perplexity on the brink of a dangerous abyss is a symbol of the folly of youth. However, the two trigrams also show the way of overcoming the follies of youth. Water is something that of necessity flows on. When the spring gushes forth, it does not know at first where it will go. But its steady flow fills up the deep place blocking its progress, and success is attained.

THE JUDGMENT

YOUTHFUL FOLLY has success.
It is not I who seek the young fool;
The young fool seeks me.
At the first oracle I inform him.
If he asks two or three times, it is importunity.
If he importunes, I give him no information.
Perseverance furthers.

In the time of youth, folly is not an evil. One may succeed in spite of it, provided one finds an experienced teacher and has the right attitude toward him. This means, first of all, that the youth himself must be conscious of his lack of experience and must seek out the teacher. Without this modesty and this interest there is no guarantee that he has the necessary receptivity, which should express itself in respectful acceptance of the teacher. This is the reason why the teacher must wait to be sought outinstead of offering himself. Only thus can the instruction take place at the right time and in the right way.
A teacher’s answer to the question of a pupil ought to be clear and definite like that expected from an oracle; thereupon it ought to be accepted as a key for resolution of doubts and a basis for decision. If mistrustful or unintelligent questioning is kept up, it serves only to annoy the teacher. He does well to ignore it in silence, just as the oracle gives one answer only and refuses to be tempted by questions implying doubt.
Given addition a perseverance that never slackens until the points are mastered one by one, real success is sure to follow. Thus the hexagram counsels the teacher as well as the pupil.

THE IMAGE

A spring wells up at the foot of the mountain:
The image of YOUTH.
Thus the superior man fosters his character
By thoroughness in all that he does.

A spring succeeds in flowing on and escapes stagnation by filling up all the hollow places in its path. In the same way character is developed by thoroughness that skips nothing but, like water, gradually and steadily fills up all gaps and so flows onward.

Nine at the top means:
In punishing folly
It does not further one
To commit transgressions.
The only thing that furthers
Is to prevent transgressions.

Sometimes an incorrigible fool must be punished. He who will not heed will be made to feel. This punishment is quite different from a preliminary shaking up. But the penalty should not be imposed in anger; it must be restricted to an objective guarding against unjustified excesses. Punishment is never an end in itself but serves merely to restore order.
This applies not only in regard to education but also in regard to the measures taken by a government against a populace guilty of transgressions. Governmental interference should always be merely preventive and should have as its sole aim the establishment of public security and peace.

7. Shih / The Army

above K’UN THE RECEPTIVE, EARTH
below K’AN THE ABYSMAL, WATER

This hexagram is made up of the trigrams K’an, water, and K’un, earth, and thus it symbolizes the ground water stored up in the earth. In the same way military strength is stored up in the mass of the people–invisible in times of peace but always ready for use as a source of power. The attributes of the two trigrams are danger inside and obedience must prevail outside.
Of the individual lines, the one that controls the hexagram is the strong nine in the second place, to which the other lines, all yielding, are subordinate. This line indicates a commander, because it stands in the middle of one of the two trigrams. But since it is in the lower rather than the upper trigram, it represents not the ruler but the efficient general, who maintains obedience in the army by his authority.

THE JUDGMENT

THE ARMY. The army needs perseverance
And a strong man.
Good fortune without blame.

An army is a mass that needs organization in order to become a fighting force. Without strict discipline nothing can be accomplished, but this discipline must not be achieved by force. It requires a strong man who captures the hearts of the people and awakens their enthusiasm. In order that he may develop his abilities he needs the complete confidence of his ruler, who must entrust him with full responsibility as long as the war lasts. But war is always a dangerous thing and brings with it destruction and devastation. Therefore it should not be resorted to rashly but, like a poisonous drug, should be used as a last recourse.

THE IMAGE

In the middle of the earth is water:
The image of THE ARMY.
Thus the superior man increases his masses
By generosity toward the people.

Ground water is invisibly present within the earth. In the same way the military power of a people is invisibly present in the masses. When danger threatens, every peasant becomes present in the masses. When danger threatens, every peasant becomes a soldier; when the war ends, he goes back to his plow. He who is generous toward the people wins their love, and a people living under a mild rule becomes strong and powerful. Only a people
economically strong can be important in military power. Such power must therefore be cultivated by improving the economic condition of the people and by humane government. Only when there is this invisible bond between government and people, so that the people are sheltered by their government as ground water is sheltered by the earth, is it possible to wage a victorious war.

Published on February 23, 2022 at 6:00 by

What i really really want

I want to be in the midst of life, have a house in a big city, with a garden, where i can grow veggies and flowers for cutting and enjoying them inside my house fresh or dried. I want to give dinners once or twice a week and bake lovely food for the people who feast on the food, making separate carbs dishes like potatoes or rise or risotto or pasta and then of course veggie and cheese and eggs and meat dishes and bake almond cakes or cheesecakes with strawberries or raspberries or any other kind of berry. I want to go out to dinner with friends and marvel at the food. I want to go to the Oscars and show of my beautiful dress which i have bought or made myself or whatever on the arms of my boyfriend who loves me. I want to keep on working here on this website and make drawings and photos and write these columns and whatever i want to do here.

But most of all i want to find rest within myself, a quiet acceptance of my life as it is, an exuberance in living and each day a new day once again.

Each day a new day once again.

That is what i really really want.

Published on February 22, 2022 at 6:00 by