Single squares

Yes!

This is work i made starting May 1999 until March 2005. It is made in Flash, but luckily there is also an export GIF animation option, which i used today to export all the movies again. One, Sad Little Square, i couldn’t export as a gif. There is a click button in it, which was impossible to remove.

So. I do feel a huge sigh of relieve now. Truly. This is one of my best works. I watched them all again today, and yes, i laughed. I saw the technique evolving, but not taking over. I saw this little square leading its life, going through heaven and hell. (Yeah yeah, the little square is sort of me. **duh**) It’s place on the front page of lfs.nl was obvious to me from the start.

A series of short visual stories about a little square who explores the world, is happy, sometimes sad, often tired, fights and has sex.*

Not based on any real life events.

So, i’m happy to publish the square series once more, as gif animations. It is of lower quality than the flash swf files, but the animation is basically the same.

I started out simple, with Happy single square. I had only worked with Flash for a couple of weeks. The day after i made Tired single square, because yes, i was tired after the busy day before. Making something new, something i felt worked, something exciting, it does make me feel tired. I suppose it does that to everybody being creative.

The following stories were of me visiting hell, fighting demons, traveling through the world, getting help from an angel, dancing, feeling sorry for itself, dreaming, remembering, having sex, making an end and continuing anyway.

And then a five year break. The last three are from 2005. They are wider, there is more happening outside of the square. I curse too.

I’m not sure which ones are my favourite. I do like Memories. Good morning world i like too. But really, i do like them all. From the simple first ones to the more complicated last ones. And as a series, yes, i do think they are among the best things i ever made.

So there. I made the animations repeatable. Else you would need to reload the page each time. But really, if you do wanna see these animations in their original format, go to lfs.nl and follow the links from the front page. I do think i’ll be posting these animations on facebook and twitter over the next days. That is how much i like ’em.

Enjoy!

Happy single square

1-happysinglesquare

Tired single square

2-tiredsinglesquare

Single square goes disco

3-singlesquaregoesdisco

Single square meets single square

4-singlesquaremeetssinglesquare

Red square vs. green square

5-red-vs-green

Two single squares

6-2singlesquares

One cute single square

7-cutesinglesquare

A night to remember

8-nighttoremember

Good morning world

9-goodmorningworld

Silly single square

10-sillysinglesquare

Helter Skelter

11-hellterskelter

A good night sleep

12-goodnightsleep

Memories

13-memories

5 Squares

14-keeponmovin

One night stand

15-onenightstand

The end

17-theend

Square goes pop!

18-pop

Check

19-squarecheck

Hellbent

20-hellbent

Go!

21-go

Published on July 15, 2015 at 6:00 by

Sexposition

Getting past art school in my personal history. After i did my exams for art school, in 1991, i started talking with a friend about organizing an exhibit. It took us over a year to get the exhibit ready together with a special evening with performances.

The evening was sold out. Yep, sex sells.

The following people performed:

  • Nico Okkerse presented the whole evening
  • Van Reck Ten Bosch Puppet Play performed fragments of Epoche
  • Marlies Dekkers fashion show
  • Anne Vegter read some of her own stories
  • Henk Oosterling gave a philosophical interpretation of the evening
  • Piet Hein and Jacquelline van der Geer were the pamperers of the evening
  • Cora de Ridder performed a tantra ritual with rhytmic accompaniment by Gerard Kuster
  • Rita Knuistingh Neven played Gaspard de la Nuit from Ravel
  • Meindert Velthuis sung jazz songs with Chris Smalt on piano
  • An exhibitionist showed himself
  • A lovemaking couple

The exhibit had the following participators

  • Anton Beeke – posters
  • Gon Buurman – photos
  • Rob Cox – graphics
  • Marlies Dekkers – fashion
  • Christer Hennix – mixed media
  • Milou Hermes – drawings
  • Tony Hewitt – photos
  • Annemarie Roos – photos, 3D
  • Erik van der Schalie – photos
  • Lena Tuzzolino – photos
  • Bertus Weeda – paintings
  • and more: pornographic images of the past 25oo years, material of the medical faculty Rotterdam, dildo’s and other things from My Sin, Massad Shop, postorder company Mail & Female and the AIDS fund, 17th, 18th and 19th erotic poetry, pornographic stories from Anne Vegter, computer games, comics and more!

Afterwards i was exhausted. Empty. There were quite some difficulties. I’m pretty sure i’m not always the best person to work along with for something like this.

This exhibit is part of my past, and with all its failings, i’m still a bit proud of it. I knew i had these photos, but they were in a box in a cupboard. I hadn’t looked at them for years. Watching them now, i actually do like ’em.

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That is actually me sitting behind. Smoking! Happy i don't do that anymore 🙂

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The program for the evening performance, 24 October 1992
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The invitation, a small paper called Het Privaat. This is a difficult word to translate. The best word most likely is The privy
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Published on July 14, 2015 at 6:00 by

Old works and photos

Last week i showed all the contact sheets i could find. This post i will post some works i made with these photos. It is about choices i made then. I don’t know if i would make the same choices today, most likely not. But i can not go back and change what i did then. So it stands.

I don’t have my work set out chronological. I do know i miss some pictures. Some works i really disliked. Other works puzzled me. And others i enjoyed. As with most work really.

The work shown at the top of this post is my final examination work. I’m not sure what to think of it to be honest. This work falls in the puzzle-section.

As for why i made this photos. Well, it did start out as assignments i got at school. But i did continue. Partly because they worked for me. I could see something in there i could use. I also did see i was kind of pretty, but really, i don’t think i was after that.

Ellen1
This is one of my fave photos. I was 24 years old. There is such a sincere look on my face, and a calmness and quietness. I didn't do anything with this photo while i was in art school, but i did publish it on lfs.nl, in Au secours!.
Ellen2
The Truest Artist Is The Most Feigning. This is what i wrote when i published this picture on lfs.nl July 10 1997. It is a transcript of a line from Shakespeare, from As you like it, Act 3, Scene 3 line 15. I did publish this picture before, in a minor exhibit while i was still in art school. I don't think it had a title then. The text from lfs.nl is about the pose, the exhibition of myself. The careful smile, the hand lightly touching my face, the hair brushed away, the lips brushed with red lipstick. The look of knowing on my face is a question at the same time. It feels like an invitation.
Ellen3
This photo is part of my final examination work. I love this one. The slight smile, the finger against my face. It is one i made at home, with one flash light on the camera. A Canon AE-1. I still do have this camera. Not sure i will ever use it again though. Maybe.
Ellen4
Also part of my examination work. This picture was also shown on lfs.nl. The title there is flexibility - complexity - duplicity. Not sure i would use this picture now. A bit too sweet.
Ellen5
This photo i used halfway, i'm thinking the third year. It is a very different photo from most others. Strong, in your face. I'm much more hesitant than this photo. Very rarely do i get out and know what i want and get it too. Almost never.
Ellen6
I think i would have picked this picture now, in stead of the first picture in Feel me. And yes, i do see i'm actually rather pretty. I was still young. Those eyes. Wow. When i look in the mirror, my eyes are much more blue grey, not this bright blue. It must be the light.
Ellen7
An old photo. I don't think i have it in the contact sheets. I should look for it. I did use this photo for an early work. Still liking it.
feelme-fuckme-freeme
So, my final work on art school. As i said with the second photo above this one, i would have picked that one now. I do like the second and third photo though. The text. I remember someone from my class, Nanouk Leopold, saying to me at an earlier exhibit that she wanted me to be more fierce, more outspoken. I listened! The text on these photos came there because i worked with two masks, in the completely dark room for colour photography. I enjoyed working like that. Of course now its completely different, with photoshop and computers and printers. I do enjoy that i worked like this. I wouldn't do it again though. So expensive!

I used these photos on lfs. Actually, when lfs was still home.luna.nl/~ellen/preview.html. Which to my complete surprise, is still online! I do know a bit about the company Luna, which still exists. I closed my account in 1999, 16 years ago. But, anyways.. i used the photos mostly in the Retrospective part. My first steps online. Yay!

Published on July 13, 2015 at 6:00 by

Tired

I’m sorry. I’m so tired.

The past days i am thinking of making two specific presents, but they require more work than usual.

I just started to write about one of them, but no, i gotta make them and see how they will work out. For now, i’m leaving this post as is.

Have a good weekend!

Published on July 10, 2015 at 6:00 by

Science fiction

Reading was my most treasured pastime from when i was able to read. I read fairy tales, myths, and all kinds of books from the library. Each week i went there. It must have been from my 8th, 9th. Sometime around that age. I bought many books. You can read my post about my teen books if you wish to know about those.

My favourite writer was Tonke Dragt. She is not in that post. That is because her books are still in my bookcase in the front room. I even bought one of her books in the 90s. Her books were my introduction into science fiction. I must have been around 12 years old. From that age until i was like 17-18 years old, scifi was the best!

So yeah, i did loose sight of the major developments in scifi from the 80s on. I got a bit more in fantasy, i bought some scifi books later on, some of them i liked, some of them i didn’t. It is a major escape for me, i can still pick up a book or a series and simply dive into it. Right now i’m reading The left hand of darkness by Ursula Le Guin. I came across her name a couple of times on brain pickings. So today i picked up the book once more and started to read.

I’ll give you a list of the books in my scifi and fantasy bookcase.

Top row, fantasy

  • some warcraft novels
  • Raymond E. Feist – ok books, basically exploration and magic and adventure books
  • Robert Jordan – Wheel of Time series, i still need to read the last book!

Second row, fantasy

  • L.E. Modesitt Jr – a favourite series, very specific magic system, not just bolts and whooshes, love the stories
  • Robin Hobb – adventures with some magic and swords
  • Eric Brown, Helix – quite new, don’t remember too much about this book tbh
  • Tais Teng, Cepheide – from the 80s, no recollection whatsoever
  • Amber Benson, Death’s daughter – Amber played Tara from Buffy the vampire slayer, i do like her books, and i do like her!

Third row, science fiction

  • Frank Herbert, Dune series – one of my old time faves
  • Asimov, two robot detectives – love these ones too
  • Jack Vance – these have faded a bit
  • Robert Heinlein – nice
  • Russel – frankly, i don’t remember much about this book
  • Ursula Le Guin – one of my faves, three books i have, like them all
  • Kate Wilhelm – sort of a feminist scifi book, should reread it
  • Ballard – like this one 🙂
  • Turner – mwah
  • Simak – ok
  • A.E. Van Vogt – ok
  • Ehrlich – this one had sex in it, enjoyed it 🙂
  • Bradley – sort of generic scifi
  • Coney – sort of generic scifi
  • Thijssen – scifi adventure, whoosh!

Fourth row, fairy tales, myths and science fiction

  • some books with games, some with cats, two old books and some fairy tales and myth books – ok
  • Ian M. Banks – some more recent purchases, i tried to read these, but it’s hard, might try again soon, or other option: simply forget about them
  • Neil Stephenson – also a book i couldn’t finish, sounds interesting, but sort of a bit too long for me
  • Peter F. Hamilton – i bought these in London on recommendation of someone who lived in the same flat as me, very space opera, fun
  • Zelazny – too long ago since i read this book, it is completely wiped from my memory
  • Pohl – good
  • Vera Chapman – more fantasy type books
  • and then towards the end some short stories books
  • at the end, Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy – i haven’t read this one yet! but i did see the movie 🙂

Sometimes when i’m in a bookshop, i wander over to the scifi and fantasy section. I might go soon once more, to get that last Wheel of Time book, which was released years ago. Reading is my most treasured form of escaping yes. Something about being all by yourself with just text which lets your imagination run wild with stories. More than watching movies and tv series. But i enjoy those too!

Ooh.. i did buy the first four ebooks of A song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin. I got into the second book. Maybe it is the ebook format which doesn’t appeal to me. Maybe it is the long threads and many many many people in the books which keep confusing me. Not sure. But yes, not finished reading those either. Loving the tv series though.

And another ooh, at the bottom two rows of this bookcase, magazines. Which are not scifi. Still need to fill up these rows with some magazines which are still in the attic. I know, i am a hoarder. But! the pile of magazines on the right are going to be thrown away.

Bye bye!

Published on July 9, 2015 at 6:00 by

Self portraits

Drawings i made 26 October 1988, for an assignment of art school, first class. I did find this in a map with old school work. Even some work from the TU Delft, where i did water colour presentation classes. There are some other portraits too, but they are different. For this post i only include the ones with this date.

And no, i don’t smile here. It is hard to smile when you are working hard and try to get something on the paper.

I do still like these. It has been years since i tried to make a self portrait. I did make a few drawings in the beginning of lfs, when i was still the Architect of Change. But those are very different, much more girl teen book illustration type drawings. When i made these drawings i was much more a fan of Giacometti. 🙂

Enjoy!

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Published on July 8, 2015 at 6:00 by

Contactsheets

When i was at art school, making self portraits was a custom assignment. I had one in the first year. I made many many drawings then. None of them really looked like me. But i didn’t mind, that much anyway.

I did a year of painting and graphics. I got a zero for painting, so that was it. I wasn’t that troubled really. I remember when i got back at school i still had to sign up for another subject. I chose monumental and photography. Monumental was a part of free arts 3D, it had more to do with making installations and stuff.

So i got an assignment for photography to make a self portrait. And i kept on making self portraits. Till they finally transfered to monumental, where i started to make posters with text and pictures of me. That ended up in my final work for school.

I wasn’t sure at the time why i made this self portraits. I know i enjoyed looking at them, but i don’t remember only seeing a pretty girl. They were all of them very different. Some series were better than others. Some of them i didn’t like at all. But, they were all part of a learning process.

I still don’t know why i made so many photos of myself. But i like it that i have them. Today i made pictures of all of them. One i had scanned in, like 17 years ago. That is the the one at the top of this post. It is one of my favourites.

They did get to me today. I got fierce. Almost angry. I still am a bit. I realized i love this pictures. All of them. I love the series. I love all the different emotions on my face. In another post i will post some of the choices i made then, the ones i printed bigger. I see other choices now. I do think i see them in a different way now. With a bit more distance.

Read more…

Published on July 7, 2015 at 6:00 by

Top of the world

Top Of The World. My first Carpenters song. And the first time i did a bit of mixing of several versions i sang. I know i know, it’s not the best. I enjoy singing this song. The most important thing for me now. Truthfully, some songs almost pain me. They are so painfully sweet, it’s hard to listen to them. But this song, as is Close to you, Yesterday Once More, Rainy Days and Mondays and We’ve Only Just Begun are my favourites. They might come along too in my series of songs!

A quote from the Rolling Stone, putting her on place 94(?) in the list of 100 Greatest Singers.

Karen Carpenter’s white-bread image and sad fate — she died of anorexia in 1983 — have overshadowed her chocolate-and-cream alto voice. But other performers know the score: Elton John called her “one of the greatest voices of our lifetime,” and Madonna has said she is “completely influenced by her harmonic sensibility.” Impossibly lush and almost shockingly intimate, Carpenter’s performances were a new kind of torch singing, built on understatement and tiny details of inflection that made even the sappiest songs sound like she was staring directly into your eyes. Still, she’s a guilty pleasure for many. “Karen Carpenter had a great sound,” John Fogerty once told Rolling Stone, “but if you’ve got three guys out on the ballfield and one of them started humming [a Carpenters song], the other two guys would pants him.”

Top of the World
Such a feelings coming over me
There is wonder in most every thing I see
Not a cloud in the sky, got the sun in my eyes
And I won’t be surprised if it’s a dream

Everything I want the world to be
Is now coming true especially for me
And the reason is clear, it’s because you are here
You’re the nearest thing to Heaven that I’ve seen

I’m on the top of the world looking down on creation
And the only explanation I can find
Is the love that I’ve found ever since you’ve been around
Your love’s put me at the top of the world

Something in the wind has learned my name
And it’s telling me that things are not the same
In the leaves on the trees and the touch of the breeze
There’s a pleasing sense of happiness for me

There is only one wish on my mind
When this day is through I hope that I will find
That tomorrow will be just the same for you and me
All I need will be mine if you are here

I’m on the top of the world looking down on creation
And the only explanation I can find
Is the love that I’ve found ever since you’ve been around
Your love’s put me at the top of the world

I’m on the top of the world looking down on creation
And the only explanation I can find
Is the love that I’ve found ever since you’ve been around
Your love’s put me at the top of the world

The original recording

A live version

Published on July 6, 2015 at 6:00 by

The finger

Today it’s really hot here in the Netherlands. When i sit quietly, i still sweat. I decided to not go walking. Hopefully next week the temperature is a bit lower. I decided not to song too. I did wanna do Top of the world by the Carpenters, but hey! next week.

So instead the finger when i saw this article on the avclub.com today: A supercut of people in movies giving the middle finger is surprisingly satisfying. It just made me laugh. So here it is for you, the finger.

In the comments someone linked this one, which i think is brilliant.

The Bird

I did do some more searches. In the clip ‘the finger’ is mentioned. I looked that up on the urbandictionary.com. The 20 words related to the finger are good too.

middle finger – the bird – fuck you – flip off – flip the bird – one finger salute – the middle finger – bird – fuck – fuck off – up yours – double birds – finger – flipping off – fu – hepatitis c – im middle salute – rude gesture – throw the unicorn

the finger
means fuck you…enuff said
like this
……………………./´¯/)
………………….,/¯..//
…………………/…./ /
…………./´¯/’…’/´¯¯`·¸
………./’/…/…./……./¨¯\
……..(‘(…´(..´……,~/’…’)
………\……………..\/…./
……….”…\………. _.·´
…………\…………..(
…………..\………….\

The wikipedia page is a lot more serious.

It communicates moderate to extreme contempt, and is roughly equivalent in meaning to “fuck off”, “fuck you”, “shove it up your ass”, “up yours” or “go fuck yourself.”

They do trace the gesture back to the ancient Greeks. It could be even older than that. Nowadays it’s still widely used. Many, many pictures exist.

When i get mad, i do actually use it myself. I do remember a few months ago i used it in traffic, when i crossed the street. Not sure what happened, but i got mad. So there. It’s not like i get mad every day, it is a rather rare event. Honestly!

Published on July 3, 2015 at 6:00 by

My world map, phase 5

Taylor Swift
taylorswiftI like some of her songs. I haven’t heard them all. I do know she writes on of her songs herself, most of the time together with other people. She is extremely popular.
“She really is that girl in the tiny little bedroom at home writing songs about the things she hopes and dreams and feels.”
I’m not sure what to think of her myself. It is hard when you do not know someone in real life anyway. It is also hard with the media putting up shrines and mirrors all the time. Let’s just see what will happen.

Katy Perry
katyperryKaty perry is someone i am also really unsure about. These people are living at such a distance from me, it is hard to relate to them. I do know we all have the same desires, but so many different ways of trying to attain them. I read things i like about her. Queen of quirk. I like that. I don’t like all her songs. I only know the hits anyway. A song like Roar i basically can not listen to. But i do like California Gurls. And i do like her clothes, and the hair. The clips i like too, nut sure how much of a say she had in them though. I do think she deserves a place on my world map. Still.. not sure entirely.

Paul McCartney
paulmccartneyPfff… my sister actually went to one of his concerts here int the Netherlands a couple of weeks ago. And i do remember young people asking “Who is this guy” after he did something with Kanye West. I won’t insult you with telling his life story here. You can click on his name and read about him on wikipedia if you want to. His name simply popped in my head. Hard to ignore to be honest. I love many of his songs. Eleanor Rigby, Fool on the hill, Hey Jude, Let it be, Penny Lane, Band on the run, Live and let die. I do also know i don’t like all the things he did. He does have a sort of .. soapy side to him. A bit too sweet. But yet. I find myself thinking now i would like to read a book about the Beatles and Lennon / McCartney. I did do a search for a bio, of which there are plenty. To find the right one though.

Paul Thomas Anderson
paulthomasandersonA film director. I watched his movie Boogie Nights in the cinema. I loved it.
“But while it’s very funny, Boogie Nights taps into something much deeper with its on-target depiction of the shifting political and social tides of the ’70s and ’80s and thoughtful relationships between characters. It’s a deeply satisfying movie.”
Magnolia i’m not sure if i saw it in the cinema. I do have the dvd. Some long shots are embedded in my mind. I’ve seen it like 3 to 4 times. But its been a while. To me film directors are just creating magic. I don’t know how they get to this point of making a film. Of course it is a long journey, with many try outs. Not a journey i ever wished for myself no. But i greatly admire people who wanna try and do it.

Philip Seymour Hoffman
philipseymourhoffmanI probably saw Hoffman in Boogie Nights first. I do think i saw another film he plays in on the Rotterdam Film Festival, Happiness directed by Todd Solondz. Capote, in which Hoffman plays the lead roll, i saw later on. The Master, directed by Paul Thomas Anderson, i did try to watch, but i stopped halfway. Maybe one day i’ll try again. It’s just, i know it’s good, excellent even, but a part of me rejects the darkness and.. well… masculinity of these movies. Not sure i’m saying this right. I don’t know.

Julianne Moore
juliannemooreI just read on the wikipedia page she played a part in Spielberg’s sequel to Jurassic Park, The Lost World: Jurassic Park. I might have seen it on tv. But i did see her in Boogie Nights. I love it she is so braod in her work, ranging from independent movie’s to large-scale Hollywood productions. I don’t know anything about her personal life, apart from the fact that it’s deeply private. I did read though she is a writer too. I’m liking that!

Meryl Streep
merylstreepTo be honest, i just wanted her picture on the map. I think i’ve seen most of her movies, from The Deer Hunter, Kramer vs. Kramer, Sophie’s Choice, Adaptation, The Devil wears Prada, Julie & Julia, The Iron Lady, Into the Woods. And there are so many more.

“So I’ve always been really, deeply interested, because I think I can understand the solace that’s available in the whole construct of religion. But I really don’t believe in the power of prayer, or things would have been avoided that have happened, that are awful. So it’s a horrible position as an intelligent, emotional, yearning human being to sit outside of the available comfort there. But I just can’t go there.”

Published on July 2, 2015 at 6:00 by