Bowl and jug

It is so hard to draw. The more i look at something small and seemingly easy, like a bowl, the harder it gets. To draw the shade and light, to draw the reflections. Apart from the shape.

Photos are a lot easier. Focus, click, done.

It is not about getting the picture though. It is about looking and deciding. Not anywhere near something good. Just a sketch.

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Published on March 14, 2016 at 6:00 by

A walk in Rotterdam: around the Plas

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A children's pool. Empty in early March.
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The Kralingse Plas
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A bike path, grass, foot path, reed, trees, sky.
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A big tree
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Tree stumps with moss near the water
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Two birds
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Tree
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Hazy view
Published on March 11, 2016 at 6:00 by

A diary day

The weather was not bad. A bit grey, yes, but some blue patches inbetween. Not too cold. It will get warmer. Soon! Wind will be from the south southwest. Many clouds, but hardly any rain. A bit of sunshine. Time for me to plan a walk, Thursday or Friday. The Kralingse Bos. Later on a walk to the Rottemeren. On a real spring day.

My mind is so full of sex. Kisses. Skin on skin. Moist. Not sure why. I want to work. Write a good post about my history with art. Make a new video clip. Draw still lifes. And yes, well ok, sex would be nice too. It is hard to control my mind. I really do not get it. I know when it started, a year and a half ago. It is like, the more i can handle it, the more i can control my mind, the worse it gets. More vivid, more real. Like i can almost touch another body. Like i can feel someone hands going over mine. It’s not. It’s all in my mind.

*sigh*

I do realize this time will not last. A changing time.

Published on March 9, 2016 at 6:00 by

Plant with window sill

Not a very good drawing. But i did enjoy making it, even though it was hard. The more i looked at the plant, the more complicated it got. All the fine details, the tiny differences in darkness and lightness, in shine and dirt.

I did stop before i had completed the whole drawing. It is a sketch.

I will make more of these sketches. I might even do a proper still life.

Published on March 7, 2016 at 6:00 by

Let’s Wait Awhile

Let’s Wait Awhile, a song from the 1986 album Control from Janet Jackson.

A few weeks ago i thought about this song and decided it is a candidate for me to sing. I did need to sing it a few times with the song playing. I decided to have the final words as a single voice, missing out the double lyrics in that part. I do like to keep things very simple.

In her book True You: A Journey to Finding and Loving Yourself, Janet commented that she was inspired to write the track after talking to a friend about how he was unsure if he really wanted to have sex with his girlfriend, since she was sexually assertive and he was in doubt about his sexuality. She advise him to wait awhile and after that discussion she was inspired to write the track. “I connected that song to Todd and millions of young people who might need encouragement to think rather than act, to pause rather than move,” she stated.

I will always think before i act. To my own detriment.

Let’s Wait Awhile
There’s something I want to tell you
There’s something I think that you should know
It’s not that I shouldn’t really love you
Let’s take it slow
When we get to know each other
And we’re both feeling much stronger
Then let’s try to talk it over
Let’s wait awhile longer

Let’s wait awhile
Before it’s too late
Let’s wait awhile
Before we go too far

Remember that special night
When all of the stars were shining bright
We made our first endeavor to stay together
We made our very first promise
To love, to share, and be real honest
But on that very first night
It wasn’t quite right

Let’s wait awhile
Before it’s too late
Let’s wait awhile
Our love will be great
Let’s wait awhile
Before we go too far

I didn’t really know not to let all my feelings show
To save some for later so our love can be greater
You said you would always love me
Remember I said the same thing to you
You don’t have to be frightened with my love
Because, I’ll never give up on you
Let’s wait awhile
Ah well before it’s too late
You know you can’t rush love, love

Let’s wait awhile
(Ooh hoo hoo)
Before it’s too late
(Let’s wait awhile)
Wait awhile
(Our love will be great)
Let’s wait awhile
Before we go too far, oh, oh, ooh

Let’s wait awhile
(Let’s just take our time)
Before it’s too late
(Let’s wait awhile)
Your love’s so good
We shouldn’t rush in
(Let’s wait awhile)
Slow it down
(Before we go too far)
Ooh

La da lee de da da de de de, da da da da la da
La da lee de da da de de de, da da da da la da da
La da lee de da da de de de

I promise, I’ll be worth the wait

Clip

Top of the Pops performance

Live

Cover by Alexandra Burke

Published on March 4, 2016 at 6:00 by

A day with my mum

Wednesday i went out and visited my mum and her husband Jan.

The trip up there usually takes around an hour by train. It was a bit longer this time. A sign failure. In Gouda the train stopped and went back to Rotterdam. I waited for a stop train to Utrecht, with almost all the people from the stopped train. It was really busy in the short stop train. But i had my music in my ears, watched outside at the beautiful sky, sometimes inside to all the people standing in the pathways. It was ok.

In Utrecht i walked to the train to Amersfoort, which was already standing there.

In the train i was thinking about my work. About this website. I had a couple of ideas for posts. One about the Dutch word eigenlijk. Translated to actually, genuine, really, true. Than the thought came up to write an article about my history with art. I already had the idea writing an article called Life is wonderful, but i have only the title, no content available yet. Thinking about these things brought tears to my eyes. Until we arrived in Gouda that is, when i had to get out.

The visit with my mum was great. I helped her getting a better view on her finances. Jan went sleeping. My mum and me talked about old photos. The marriage photos from my sister’s wedding in 1982. We all looked so young. Some vacation photos, photos from my cousins, the children from both my sisters. Some old photos from my mum, when she was a child. Lovely.

I stayed a couple of hours. The way back was a lot less eventful, simply straight back to Rotterdam. Just before the busy hour. The sky got darker. In Rotterdam it rained. I was happy i had a large hood on my coat to keep my hair dry. The music still in my ears.

Lots of things to think about. I have work to do!

Published on March 3, 2016 at 6:00 by

A walk to the Markthal

Not really a walk. But still. I went out to do a bit of shopping. I needed to get me some toilet paper, a bit of food. And yes, menstrual pads. I had to look up that word.

The sun was shining. Is still shining as i write this. It’s not cold. Not warm either, but i could walk with my coat open. Still had my hands in my pockets though. Chilly. Yes. I walked out of the house, past the Rotte. Crossed the Goudsesingel to the Meent. Walked the tightrope! I look at the people around me. Walking fast, slow, eating something, smoking, going into a shop, coming out of it. Just doing everyday stuff.

I go around the corner to the Binnenrotte. This is where the market is, twice a week. Part of it is fenced. They are changing the lay-out. Making it more user friendly. A bit more trees. After they have moved all the other trees, months ago. Those were in a line on the side of the square. The new trees are more randomly placed. They still need to grow a bit. It is all really new, no leaf has bloomed yet.

So i go into the Markthal. I’m hungry. I buy a bread with a croquette at Bram Ladage. I eat it standing besides the escalators going down. I watch the people going down. Nobody catches my eye. Nobody.

I go into the asian supermarket, Wah Nam Hong. I buy some tofu, Japanese ramen noodles, prawn crackers, a packet of shrimp noodles. Not my favourite ones, they were sold out. Other ones, to try out.

Not a good buy. Writing this now, later, i had made the noodle soup. I didn’t enjoy it as much as i do the other ones. They have a packet of hot oil in them. Lovely! These ones had two packets, one with a shrimp flavor, the other with a pepper powder. No.

I walk out and go down the escalator. I enter the Albert Heijn. I get me a piece of the cheese standing on the bench. Hmmm. I walk to the cookies. A whole aisle! My new word of the day! Reading the wikipedia page now. Aisle. Hmm. It seems to be used in US English mostly. Still, it feels like a suitable word for a supermarket pathway.

Anyway. A whole aisle of cookies! I do set a few lines straight. Such a mess people make of it. Some cookies are completely lost. I stand there looking all along to find a right place to save these whole meal cookies in. I can not find it. I look again. No. So i simply place it in a empty spot. I do get some cookies for myself. Whole meal cookies with raisins. Their packaging is new. I had to read what it said now.

I get my toilet paper, the menstrual pads. I walk past the frozen section. I see the icecream, the vegetables, the snacks, chips. I take nothing of that. I pay at the cash register.

I go out of the Markthal at the side. Walk on the Binnenrotte again. The birds are flying all around, walking searching for a bit of food. Doves, seagulls. A seagull is making this sound while sitting on a street light, another seagull standing besides him. I walk closer. They fly away. Two doves are walking to each other, but nothing happens. They pass with a meter between them.

I take the corner to the Meent. Cross the street. Do the tightrope again! Close to home now.

Lovely day.

Published on March 1, 2016 at 6:00 by