Work work work. The final bit of the job. I voted as well. I went to the dietitian. Which turned out to be the wrong day for it. I do remember the call, i did change the date in Calendar on my computer. But it wasn’t synced to my phone. So i got the normal warning yesterday and i didn’t think about it and i went. Not realizing it was postponed to next Tuesday.
It wasn’t that bad though. The weather today was extraordinary. Lovely. Sun shining. Fifteen ºC. So i slowly walked back home. Dressed a bit too warm!
More work. Music in the background. I sometimes sang along, sometimes danced a bit behind my computer or even standing in the front room. Yay!
This evening i will watch the results program of the vote today on the Dutch television. I’m curious. I might zap a bit, in between.
Next week i’m fully back here, on ellenpronk.com. Yay!
Today, Wednesday 15 March, it is a general election in the Netherlands. I’m gonna vote for the Party for the Animals, the Partij voor de Dieren.
I hope you will vote too, for the party you like the best!
Two years ago i wrote this post, Eight years of silence.
The eight years were only silent for you. To me they were pretty normal. But i did miss making presents. It wasn’t in the forefront of my mind the whole time, but it did pop up.
Pretty normal. Pretty normal? Really?
Last Friday i spoke to somebody at the garden. Friendship came up. I said it. I have no friends. A surprised look. Not even at the garden? No. I do enjoy working at the garden. Lots. I like the people i got to know through the garden. But they are not part of my own personal life. They are part of the garden life.
I said something about that time in 2006 and 2007. When i stopped trying to keep all the friendships i had together. Stopped trying to work hard on them. Gave up. It felt that my then current friends moved away from me. I didn’t call anyone. Nobody called me. I was playing World of Warcraft. As an escape. A way to keep myself occupied. Busy.
So when a friend called me while i was in a raid, one of the first. Nervous. Trying to be as good as possible. I said to her i would call her back the next day. I did. But i didn’t get a hold of her. She was going to tell me she was pregnant.
I actually planned to go to her once i knew. Once the baby was born. I had bought a gift, a lovely little soft stroking baby thing. But i didn’t go. That present was laying in my cupboard for a couple of years. When the daughter of my sister got a baby, i gave it to her.
We did meet in town around 2010. When i was walking back home from work, on a Friday afternoon. I nearly cried. Slowly we got back to talking a bit more. We are sort of fine now. But it is more superficial. We can get by not seeing each other for years. Easy.
I won’t go into all the details here. This post isn’t about that. It is about what i wrote in my earlier post. Pretty normal. Is that how i felt about that time? Really?
I was all alone. I played a game, i met people through the game. Some i liked. But no one like a true friend. It was a way to pass the time. To not think about things. To not think about my life flowing by me and leaving me unattached.
It felt like my life had stopped.
It didn’t stop though. Of course not.
That sledgehammer moment i had in 2014. I can still feel it. I’m still not sure why it happened then. But i’m happy it did happen. I found back a part of me which i have always loved. The creative part. The happy part. The part i had missed so much over the previous eight years.
It does feel a bit like it couldn’t have gone any other way. I am not sure about that now. But yes, maybe it was like that. Maybe this was the only way for me. To let my work go. With pain in my heart. To find it once more. Happier. More steadfast.
That time in between. That was not pretty normal. It was awful. But i did learn a few things then. I learned to be quiet. I learned to be on my own. I learned a bit of control of myself. A bit.
So now, i am still on my own. I still don’t have many friends. If any. But i do trust myself. I still feel things will turn for the better.
I still do.
I do have a job these weeks. It is not taking all of my time, but sometimes a bit more than i wish. Still, i need the money, and the job is quite good.
Tomorrow i will go to the garden though. Earlier this week there was a message on our whatsapp group that a Dutch television show will come and film us in the garden. But it is next week. Good, i think. A bit of time to talk about it beforehand. I’m looking forward to it.
I’m tired now. I will watch some tv for the rest of the evneing. Keuringsdienst van Waarde (NPO3), The Great Pottery Throwdown (BBC2) and Legion (Fox). All neatly after each other.
The weather is getting a bit better. Earlier this week it was raining. The whole day through. Today it was a bit dryer, at the end the sun peeked through! This weekend it will be around 13ªC, a bit of sunshine.
Ooh spring! Please come soon!
Have a good weekend. Enjoy your days. Find some rest and quiet.
We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.
We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love’s light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.
A poem written by Maya Angelou
Next week, Wednesday 15 March, the Dutch elections will be held. In this election all 150 members of the House of Representatives, the Tweede Kamer, are chosen.
No single party has ever managed to win a majority of the votes, good for 76 seats in the house. The Dutch government has been a coalition of several parties for more than a century.
I grew up in a left wing labour family. We had a Vara tv magazine, we listened to the Saturday radio show In de Rooie Haan. We watched the VPRO on Sundays and had the newspaper Het Vrije Volk, the Free People – which no longer exists. The first party i ever voted for was the Communistic Party. I was eighteen years old.
I never was terribly interested in politics. For convenience, i settled for the Dutch Labour party, the PvdA. I did vote most of the time. I might have skipped a few. I don’t remember.
The past two years i have changed, my life has changed. My thoughts about many things, like politics, have sharpened. These last weeks before the elections the debates and discussions on television are on almost every night. I don’t watch them all. The one thing that stuck was a question somebody in the audience asked Pechtold (D66) about his death wish. He was only in his late 50s.
We are all born free in this world with our own responsibility for our lives. The government has nothing to do with how somebody would like to end his or her own life. I’m really baffled by the question, as if the man was waiting for approval for his going away. The answer uses the word dignity. Death is simply the end of your life. I’d love it to be dignified for everybody, but i do see that it is not the case. To me, this drives the responsibility of our government too far. You can simply slit your wrists and be done with it. Not that i wish anyone to do this. But if you want to go, simply go.
I’m also thinking about the importance of money and economics. The way the future is projected. Plans of the parties are calculated through with an horizon of 60 years. So many things can happen in that time. It is impossible to know everything, or rather anything about these events. But it still goes through. Most parties parade the apparently good results.
Once i have a little money myself, i will donate some to the Peace garden. I will try to find people who are working on school gardens. I think every school, for children aged between 4 and 12 years old, should have a school garden system. With gardeners working with the children.
These are my personal dreams. If ever i get the money of course!
As for our country, my vote goes to the Partij van de Dieren. I like their thinking about economics. We do need to find a way to change the buying habits of so many people, buying all this nonsense junk in the shops. We do need to take care of our planet. It is a magical place with so many animals and plants sharing this world with us. We need to take care of all of it. Not kill and pollute.
I am still thinking about who i am going to vote for. Marianne Thieme is the main front person of the Partij van de Dieren. But i am also following Ewald Engelen on Facebook and Twitter, he is on number ten of the list. So my vote might go to him. Still thinking!
I am following my own dreams, my own thoughts, my own ideals. I’m happy i found a good party to place my votes with.
I do hope you will find a good place too.
This morning, Sunday morning, it looked really nice. A bit of blue sky, sunshine. But when i was ready to walk out to the door on my way to the garden, rain, rain, rain. And it didn’t stop. The whole afternoon, rain.
I didn’t mind too much. I had my raining bike cape with me, which kept the top part of me dry enough. I spend half the afternoon walking around the garden and the grass and mud outside it to clear it of the plastic bottles, packages, cigarette buts, metal drinking containers and laughing gas capsules lying around.
After that i seeded two big containers and three smaller ones with catmint. Cats love this plant. I also read that rats and mice don’t like this, which is a good thing for us. Last year the rats ate our corn, most of the tomatoes, parsnips and beetroot. So we are looking for a friendly way to keep them from our grounds. I will plant the seedlings around the garden and the greenhouse. Maybe a few will be planted in between the tomatoes. Let’s see how this works out.
I am tired now. Tonight i will watch another movie. Last night i watched Manchester by the Sea (2016). It was an okay movie to watch. I did enjoy the acting of Casey Affleck and Michelle Williams. And some smaller parts were very well performed as well. Not my favourite sort of movie, i admit.
Tonight, hmm… Blade Runner? Star Wars – Return of the Jedi? Inside Out? Ooh.. Westworld the movie from 1973? That does sound tempting.
First i’m make myself something to eat. I’m hungry!
Bye bye 🙂
PS. I watched Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children. Loved it!